HASH TRASH 2009
Contributed by LICK-ME-LOWER!
HASH # 461
- NEW YEARS DAY HANGOVER HASH
HARES:
SOOWEE and LICK-ME-LOWER!
The hash
started innocently enough. We gathered, herded up, or coagulated (for all of
you medical folk) at
A special
New Year’s Day “Welcome to the World” to Rivers Lennon Rodgers born
HASH #462
HARES: WEENIE DINKY and SOOWEE
Note to
self, when these two wankers are signed up for a
trail, you’d better be ready for anything! The hash started from Lowes at Rangeline and Highway 90
on a very warm Saturday afternoon. After many strange drive
by looks from the local home improvement rednecks, we followed the trail behind
Lowes, then across Hwy. 90 and off into the woods for
some low country shiggy. We hashed through narrow,
hilly trails that were filled with roots and wet mud. I expected many an “oh
shit” and “damn its” and I wasn’t disappointed! We followed hash through these
trails and out into the rather swanky neighborhoods of Tillman’s Corner. When I
say swanky, I mean these residents protected their property with not only one
pit bull but 4 or 5! I later heard that one of the hares had to protect himself
from one of these security canines with the only thing he could throw, powder!
The trail popped out into a huge cemetery where we met a couple of kids on
bikes following the suspicious powder. Of course we asked if they’d seen anyone.
To which they replied ‘Yeah, two old dudes went that a way!” We proceeded that
a way! The trail went through more
hideous shiggy and came out on the lower end of
Hillcrest. I was running with the founder, PM WES when we looked both ways and
saw no one for a mile! Across the road we found an intersection! I went right,
which proved pretty good so far. We followed on and on and on! A long stretch
of hash lay out in front of me! Ooh la la! A nice
long running hash that anyone in their right mind would love! Yes this trail
was one you shouldn’t have missed. We had shiggy,
trail running, pit bulls, and cemeteries!! We ended in a new subdivision off of
Hillcrest where we had general drinking and debauchery. The cone of silence
appeared and did not go unused. The new hashers JUST PHILLIP and JUST JON made
some false accusations about WEENIE DINKY stealing their on-in place. And we
all know what happens when no-named hashers accuse our more “seasoned” named
ones. They were put in the circle on their knees and were made to down-down!
It’s not going to take long to name these two!
On-On!!
SENIOR BOWL HASH #463
HARES: FLASH N CRASH & JOHN DOE
This was a
Friday night light hash. We started on
Superbowl Bash #2 FEBRUARY 1, 2009
Hare: Babe Thruster
For those of you who did not participate, a BASH is a Bike Hash. What fun. We started behind San Miguel's Mexican restaurant on Schillinger Road. About twenty Bashers showed their cycling skills in some of the most harsh terrain for bashing. Babe Thruster led us on Schillinger and behind the local establishments. We crossed over and turned over a new trail by pedaling through rough neighborhoods that made me reminiscent of Deliverance. We pedaled through trailer parks, trash dumps, and finally a cool airport!!! Mid-Beer was at the Runway Bar, appropriately named of course. We left the Mid-Beer and traveled west on Airport Blvd, where we found a trail that led us through some more shiggy and back around to the start. Since this is the first BASH for this Hasher, I want to make a few personal observations. If you plan on BASHING in the future, GET YOUR BIKE READY! Don’t expect to show up with an on-duty mechanic. We rode through ditches, trails, water, dirt roads, fields and runways! I loved it!!! But don’t think you can bring a do-nothing bike to one of these events. Babe Thruster is known for shiggy and he’s never let us down, leading us through some areas that you will need to pray about before entering! His trails are great and often are mistaken by the locals as Safari events. Fortunately these hounds were ready for the trail. We lost bike seats, bike chains, and did I mention flat tires? We had a great time! Being a first time BASHER, I was tentative and it almost cost me a couple of wrecks. There were no injuries at all, which is amazing considering the amateur crowd that came. We had men on purple bikes, pink bikes, borrowed bikes and of course new bikes. What a day! Mutha Superior ran the circle for these BASHING misfits. She tore into the sublime elements of the Super Bowl Bash. By the way, your butt will be really sore if you're not used to Bashing. Note to self, get the pad inflated shorts for the next Bash!
Heart-On Hash #464 February 14, 2009
Hares: Flash N Crash and John Doe
Visualize this - close to 20 Hashers with Heart-On's for the Hares. Hey it works for me! The hash began at 1:00 PM in The Whiskey parking lot off of Highway 90. It was a very warm and moist day for us and we were very excited to be there. The trail crossed Highway 90 and then quickly went down to the as slick as owl shit Halls Mill Creek. How slick was it? Well I personally witnessed several hounds go paws up, squealing and yelping on the wet slope. The powder brought us out to Halls Mill Road and down by Robert Moore’s uh oh! Count Back! This worked well for me, I turned left toward an open field and picked up the trail down a dirt road crisscrossing the field and then proceeding under I-10 and straight down along the creek, crossing The Linksman golf course. We ended at a vacant house in Riviere du Chien down by Dog River. Another well laid trail by the hounds, they are becoming an item at this! We had down-downs and swatted no-see’ems until we both got drunk. The hares had to do multiple down downs. One of these was due to our own John Doe’s photo being in the local Chamber of Commerce directory. Hey John Doe what a mug!!! He was participating in one of those competitive r* things and got caught by some photo hound. We had several new virgins and one visitor from North Alabama, Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. Welcome all to the GCH3!!! Maryland Mauler and our Hashmaster TLAM sang a new hash song Buff the Tragic Faggot. We on-aftered at Fletchers, and ate and drank even more!
Hash #465 February 28, 2009
Hares: Soowee, Up Your Anus, Lick-Me-Lower!!
(Contributed by Lick-Me-Lower!)
Just an ordinary Hash, no “theme”. We started at Applebee’s parking lot at 2:00 in the afternoon prior to a major cold front! It was warm and breezy. The hares began by running through a hole in the fence that led us back west toward Knollwood drive. I was a hare, so I kinda knew where we were headed. The keyword being “kinda”. I had not rehearsed the trail and the particulars plum alluded me. Yep I was one of those stupid hares. Soowee and I had to wait on the Tater (a.k.a. Up Your Anus). Tater knew the trail like an old pair of wool socks. It helps not having a real job and all. Anyway, Soowee and I had to stop and wait right after we crossed Government. We were headed down a wooded trail, well beaten, toward a group of “campers”. Yep, I’ll bet these boys were just on the brink of breaking out the s'mores! NOT! The trail turned just short of their abode and went through the woods toward Hall’s Mill Road. We turned into a school and laid out a nice mid-beer with golf balls and “sticks”. Whatever. Being a non stick and baller, I have no idea about the nomenclature of such activity. I am running ahead and looking back, asking which way do I go, I feel like a lost episode of “Gone with the Tater”. Scary. O.K. I run on and enter the bog. Nasty is relative, a close one. We crossed over into the Linksman Golf Course. And that’s where the nightmare ended. We had exactly 13 minutes until the hounds showed up at the On-In. Apparently they took their time at the mid beer! Hashers hit golf balls and consumed beer until the last of the pack arrived in style as M-I-CROOKEDDICKCROOKEDDICK tried to short-cut to keep from being the RRB and did a face plant in the muck. Ceremonies were held by TLAM, and we had a naming, our own little Just SuZie. Now that sounds sweet doesn’t it? Folks who know Just SuZie would say…NOT! She is very capable. She got into a wrestling match with one of the hashers and had to get the wrestling pad lubed! No, it was not on her body! Get your heads out of the gutter! For crying out loud! Anyway, we named her LUBRICUNT, a great name! Then, we relocated to Fletchers, because the cold front appeared out of nowhere and the wind on the Linksman was blowing like a Debutant from Springhill! After we relocated, we re-convened in order to name Just Jon. Well, he apparently does not “do” tequila very well. But when he does do tequila, he apparently as a propensity for fat women! And, he dated every woman that ever slung hash at Ruby Tuesday! After much deliberation, slowed by libations, we named him FAT TUESDAY. A great name. We closed ceremonies while trying to name Just Phillip. Too many names, not enough brain cells!! Bring your best Just Phillip stories for the next Hash and let’s cum up with a good name for the dude!
LEPERCUNT Hash #466 March 15, 2009
Hares: Skidmarks, Luna Dick, and Hi Ho Silver, Away!
(Contributed by Lick-Me-Lower!)
We last left the debauchery of our runners trying to name Just Phillip. Well, after this St. Patty’s hash, we have a little more material to work with. This hash started at Cottage Hill Park on Sunday, March 15, at 2:00 p.m. The turnout was excellent despite the weather which reminded me of days of Ole Ireland. (Which one day maybe I’ll visit!). The trail, crafted by virgin hare HI HO SILVER, AWAY, took us across the green hills of Cottage Hill and out to Hillcrest road. Where we immediately hung a left and went straight up a mile long hill. Flanked by fresh clover and blooming dogwoods we shimmied left through a neighborhood, where residents greeted us with nervous looks. I had just rounded a corner and was headed back down another hill when I saw SOOWEE waving his arms frantically over Just Phillip laid out on the street! At first I thought Just Phillip was playing with us, but no, that wasn’t it. The Maryland Mauler and I began running to doors yelling to call 911, each on different sides of the street. Suddenly a patrol car entered the scene (his wife had seen Just Phillip fall and had called 911). Then SUCKS 'EM FLAT shows up and she’s a pediatric nurse! Meanwhile the rest of the hash begins to surround Just Phillip, who by now seems to be resting comfortably in the bosom of SUCKS 'EM FLAT (what a way to go!). By the time the paramedics came on the scene Just Phillip was waking up and wanting to get to his feet. All of this takes place in a matter of 30 minutes or so. They load Just Phillip - minus his breakfast - into the meat wagon and head off to the hospital. O.K. now we have something real to work with for a name!! Alright, we’re off again! That’s one way to keep the hash together. The whole 30 or so of us trot on and exit the neighborhood onto Knollwood, where we lose the trail. We find powder in the drain, but can’t seem to make the next connection. I think it was John Doe who finally found the powder about 100 yards to the top of the hill. We on-on-ed up to Cottage Hill and down the other side along Knollwood and came upon the Mid-Beer. We figure we needn’t wait, since the Hares got 30 minutes from us when we aided Just Phillip. We look in all four directions and cannot find flour. After hanging out on Knollwood for another 10 minutes we call LUNADICK. ON-On into the woods, he says, it seems JOHN DOE & JUST COURTNEY can't spot TP in plain sight. Well, some do enter the woods, but most don’t. The don’ts decided to go around the shiggy and creeks to Girby and down to the next subdivision on the other side of the wet and nasty woods. We turn the corner and see the ON-IN! Thank Todd, only 2 hours on trail!!! Ceremonies were held, welcoming virgins JUST SARAH and JUST TAMMY, a mother-daughter team. We also welcomed visiting hashers CLERK JERK & JERK OFF from MEMPHIS and SUCKS 'EM FLAT from BILOXI. Ceremonies ended abruptly with a rainstorm and we on-aftered at Patches where we got to name Just Joe. We had lots of opportunities. He gets many requests to have his head rubbed! (The one to the North) Lubricunt asked about certain sexual encounters, that was somewhat off the cuff! Apparently, Just Joe can work with anything to achieve his goal. Including greased elbows. “Elbow Grease” was suggested. SOOWEE thought he favors Magic Johnson, so Midget Johnson came up. Someone suggested Assholes and Elbows and it won. Congrats Assholes and Elbows! Also, JUST PHILLIP was released from the medical facility and came directly to the on after, we are glad he will Hash again. Next hash is the ATR Picnic party! A DON’T MISS THIS ANAL EVENT!!!!
AZALEA TRAIL PICNIC Hash #467 March 28, 2009
Hares: N/A
(Contributed by Lick-Me-Lower!)
Azalea Trail Picnic Hash. No hares for this annual event. We usually have this at Brookley where we can spread out and enjoy ourselves. At Brookley, we drove golf balls into the bay and played volleyball. Due to the impending monsoons, we changed our meeting place to the La She’s float pavilion. Well, we think that’s who owned it, we were not sure. We drove golf balls at the warehouses and the trains as they went by. Some got a little off course and made a few hashers scurry out of the way. This anal event is when we always celebrate our hash master’s birthday! Happy B-Day (f*ck you) TLAM!! We did get something accomplished though. We named just CoCo. Her boyfriend, Brown Sugar was there and he unloaded on some stuff. Like the fact that she will try anything at least twice! Well, well!! She always wears pig tails, so we thought of Polly F*cking Anna? I am not familiar with this character, so pardon the spelling. We found out that she likes riding her scooter. So Scooter Cooter came up, and it stuck!! Congrats Scooter Cooter!! I think she liked it? We continued the party at the traditional place…Papa Buda’s. The next hash is scheduled for April 4th at Cottage Hill Park. See you there!!